If Consoles Were Hot Dogs
Even 10 years after the demise of the Jaguar, these "experts" (aka Nintendo & Sega fanboys) refuse to admit the Jaguar was more powerful than their systems. Blind loyalty I suppose.
Since it's difficult to explain to the "experts," I've thought of a simple way of explaining the differences in power between the three systems while preparing my lunch one day. We all love hot dogs, right? We all doctor them up with our own condiments like mustard, ketchup, and relish right? And we don't often eat a hot dog without a Coke or pretzels or chips, right? And sometimes it's nice to have a dessert to go along with our lunch too.
So, without further delay, here is a guide for the self-proclaimed "experts" to help them understand the differences between the Super Nintendo, Genesis, and the (vastly more powerful, this is no contest) Jaguar.
Sega Genesis - First, you get the Sega Genesis. It's raw, sometimes rough and grainy looking graphics make you think you're eating a raw uncooked hot dog. Sure, it's nutritious, but you somehow know that there are better ways to eat a dog. Perhaps cooking it would be a start?
|Super NES - Next, you have the Super Nintendo. Someone remembered that the dog needs to be cooked! Not only that, but they thought to include a bun! Sure, the games are fun, but then so are games on any system! The SNES's smooth high color graphics look nice for awhile, but the 2D quickly gets repetitive and bland. And the "Mode 7" effects begin to look gimmicky. You begin to wish there was more to this wiener.|
|Super NES + SFX chip - So you add some ketchup to doctor it up. Wow! now you've got a Super Nintendo with an SFX chip capable of doing some rough 3D graphics! Finally the system has the flavor to do games like Starfox and a crude (almost unplayable) version of Doom. But that's about it. The SFX leaves you wishing for even more. You know there must be a hot dog that can do all of this and much more.|
|Sega Genesis + 32X - Along comes the Sega 32X! Wow, now here's a pretty capable dog. It can churn out the 3D graphics fairly nicely. It significantly improves the Genesis's color palette which smoothes out the look of the graphics. This is a dog with ketchup, mustard, AND relish! Doom is much faster than on the previous dog, but it still lacks a bunch of features (most noticeably, full-screen mode.) Still, is a hot dog good enough by itself? Aren't you still missing a few key things (like a drink?!)|
|Atari Jaguar - With the Jaguar, you get all of the previous stuff with more than a few additionals. You get the great hot dog along with pretzels and a Coke! You can do the 16-bit looking stuff as well as being able to churn out 3D graphics the SNES and Genesis could only dream about (or try to mimic with add-ons.) Stuff like Iron Soldier 2, AvP, and Battlesphere are so graphically and technologically superior they make the SNES and Genesis look like the bland dogs that they are. Sure, not all the games are winners, but this hot dog's smooth graphics and color palette show just how lacking the earlier systems were. There's only one thing that could make this hot dog even better. Some dessert!|
|Atari Jaguar + CD - The Jaguar CD is just the extra sweet topper to your lunch. It's the M&M's dumped on your plate. Now you can play super boring (but popular) titles like Myst and the exceptional 3D Battlemorph. It's not an essential improvement to the original system, but it adds some sweet features like the VLM and a few more games to the mix.|
Can it get even better than that? Sure it can. Is a hot dog the greatest meal ever? Certainly not. You could always go with the foot long hot dog. Or maybe even a steak dinner with all the fixins. Every game system has it's rough edges. Not all hot dogs are the same. But when some insane ranter begins comparing the 64-bit Jaguar to the 16-bit dogs, there's no top dog like the Jaguar.